Definition of Lord

  Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord,
  Wedded a wandering English lord --
  Wedded and took him to dwell with her 'paw,'
  A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.
  Lord Cadde I don't hesitate to declare
  Unworthy the father-in-legal care
  Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth
  That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;
  For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage
  Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.
  Among them, cupidity caused him to urge
  Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge,
  Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw
  Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw,
  And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf,
  To the business of being a lord himself.
  His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed
  And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;
  Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear
  A whisker that looked like a blasted career.
  He painted his neck an incarnadine hue
  Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.
  The moony monocular set in his eye
  Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.
  His head was enroofed with a billycock hat,
  And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.
  In speech he eschewed his American ways,
  Denying his nose to the use of his A's
  And dulling their edge till the delicate sense
  Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.
  His H's -- 'twas most inexpressibly sweet,
  The patter they made as they fell at his feet!
  Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear
  Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.
  Alas, the Divinity shaping his end
  Entertained other views and decided to send
  His lordship in horror, despair and dismay
  From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.
  For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde
  Fell -- suffering Caesar! -- in love with her dad!

G.J.